Posted in L<3VE, My Words, Other posts, Random Thoughts

Life Is Still Going On Without You

There are dark clouds scattered across the blue skies today.

The wind is so cold that people have broken out their sweaters and jackets again.

It’s Spring, but today it does not look like it.

Mother Nature seems to think it’s still Winter.

Life is still going on.

 

I studied hard for a test today, but I only got a C.

I texted back my girlfriend, but she seems to have forgotten about me.

Dad is sleeping, the bonus mom is at work. Nathan is sick and mom is at home taking care of him.

Cars are driving by my house, going much faster than they should be.

People are still at work, or school, or at their kid’s soccer game.

Life is still going on.

 

You’re not here. But the trees have not stopped dancing in the wind.

You won’t talk to me. But the birds continue to spread their wings and fly.

You’ve stopped caring. But the days have kept moving on.

I’m no longer your priority. But I no longer care.

 

I woke up today and made my favorite cup of coffee.

I got dressed today and actually had the energy to study.

I went to class today and worked hard on my exam.

I laughed at my brother’s jokes and told my mom that I love her.

I came home and had a nice conversation with my father.

My friends have been texting me all day, because I’m important to them.

 

You’re not my number-one, and I’m no longer yours.

You have no interest in my life, and I never think of yours.

Three weeks ago, it was different, but so much has changed.

My feelings for you have finally seemed to run away.

And I wrote this out for you, so that you would know that I’m okay.

 

 

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Posted in My Words, Other posts, Random Thoughts

When I Was 17

 

I don’t know how it happened, or when. All I remember is waking up one day and realizing that I wasn’t 17 anymore.

I no longer lived with my mom and little brother in a small, but cozy apartment that I oh so despised.

I was no longer the girlfriend of a rude, but ultimately kind hearted, hopeless romantic boy that thought that it was the world that needed to change, not him.

I remembered that it really wasn’t “just yesterday”, when my best friend and I stole my mom’s car for the night, thinking that the boy I had a crush on would think I was cool if I came driving by his house in a beautiful, blue Corolla.

Gone were the days of ditching French class and flirting with my ex out in the school hallway.

Nights were spent wandering the streets with my best friend at 1am, doing things that we probably shouldn’t have been and were VERY lucky we never got caught.

So many wonderful, but also miserable, nights as well..

Countless hours were spent screaming back and forth with him because he had decided to be an ass again.

Days when I ate so much, my stomach could no longer bare it and I had to run to the toilet. Again. And again. And again.

When I cried to my therapist about how confused I was about love and life and just about every little thing that was happening to me at the time.

Oh, how I miss those nights of talking to my best friend for 6 hours on the phone, never a pause in-between words.

The giggling, the music, the late night driving, and the long conversations about boys, bad experiences, and things we would never, ever tell another soul.

The fights. The laughter. The love and rebellion. The dreams and the heartbreak. The confusion and the deep sadness. The happiness I felt, no matter how bad it all got.

How I miss those days, I thought I had almost forgotten them.

Now I’m almost 22 years old, and life has passed me by. So much has changed, yet not nearly as much as I’d hoped. And I promise I am not dwelling over the past, for what a waste that would be. No matter how much one reminisces about the past, it has already happened. There’s no going back.

Life is always changing, people are always moving and they never stop to take in just how fast time is going by. Sometimes I feel as if I’ve lived a lifetime, and other times I feel like there’s never enough time in the day.

I notice how quickly the days turn into nights. How one conversation can turn into another, and other people don’t seem to notice the difference. But I feel it. I see it. And it almost scares me to death, because I feel as if I’m not spending each passing moment to my fullest capacity. I was 17 years old yesterday, and now I’m 21 today. Before anyone blinks an eye, I will be 50 years old. Then 55. And then 73.

And then, someday… I’m going to have run out of time. I’ll be curled up in my death bed,  looking back at all of the memories and wondering where those days had gone, and if I had spent my life the way I wanted to.

I don’t want to have regrets. I’m going to make stupid decision’s, that is true. But as long as at that very moment, that’s exactly what I wanted to do, and it made me happy, then it’s okay. What is the point of having a life, if you are not living it happily? Why spend your days wondering why the days seem to keep dragging on and wishing for a better day to come? I refuse to waste my days longing for something better.

I choose to be happy today. I choose to live. What do you choose?

 

Posted in Other posts, Reposts, Uncategorized

Drunk Aunt/Drama Queen

The Mom giphyYou’re constantly worried about everyone except yourself. There’s definitely been an instance where at a restaurant your order was totally screwed up and you didn’t even notice because you were making sure everyone else was hunky-doory. You’re the friend who gets a text that says something like, “can’t make brunch. sick :(” and you’re…

via What Your Self-Imagined Role In A Stereotypical Family Sitcom Says About You — Thought Catalog

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I Am The Black Sheep

BADGIRLTAYAries (March 21st to April 19th) They’re tired of being long distance. Aries are the least likely sign to stick around their hometown after graduation. They need something new and see every city as an adventure they have to take part in. This results in their family feeling left behind or like some bland precursor…

via Here’s Why You’re The Black Sheep Of Your Family, Based On Your Zodiac Sign — Thought Catalog

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To my brother

nikmockI have a lot of best friends, people I’ve collected over the years and can’t live without. I’m still BFFs with my childhood besties, and my college friends are my nearest and dearest. However, it’s my little brother, Dylan, who is my true best friend, and we go way back … all the way back…

via 25 Things That Happen When Your Brother Is Your BFF — Thought Catalog

Posted in My Words, Other posts, Random Thoughts

It’s About Time

I think it’s about time that I just let things go. Let it all go. My stress, my worries… I think a little too much about the future, so much so that it holds me back from making any important decisions.

“What if I go down this path and it turns out horribly?”

“What if I end up regretting this decision?”

“What if I drop everything so that I can focus on this one thing, and I end up nowhere? No money, nothing.”

What if, what if, what if! It’s always the same old thing, everyday. It’s normal, healthy even, to worry a little about your future but I feel as if I’ve gone too far. I’ve been in college now for three… THREE years and I just now decided on my major. In fact, it’s the same major that I thought I wanted to do ages ago but kept changing my mind because I thought it wasn’t right for me. I’ve wasted so much time, energy, and sleep over it and now I believe that it is finally the right time to just sit back and go with the flow. I don’t even want think about it anymore. I’ve gone so far in school and have the opportunity to transfer out by next year as long as I pass all of my classes and stick with my major. So that’s what I’m doing.

I don’t care about the “what if’s” anymore, the constant comments from people who are doubtful that I will ever get far with a major like this one.. Other people have done well in the Psychology field before. I can too. I’ve just got to relax a little, do what I need to do to get to where I want to be, follow my dreams and push the doubtfuls and their words out of my head. I’m going to prove to them and even more importantly, to myself, that I can make it. I will, you’ll see.